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Starbucks Perfect Oatmeal

I am all about convenience and efficiency. I like to brush my teeth in the morning as my coffee is brewing. When Georgia won’t shut up about Kate Middleton’s latest hairstyle, I mentally create my week’s to-do list. After a workout, I take my sports bra into the shower with me to wash it (whatever, like you don’t have your own weird habits that you’re secretly convinced are brilliant).

So when I have to rush out to work (because I’ve changed outfits twenty times and eventually decided on the one I started with), and forget to grab a yogurt for breakfast, I make it a goal to try and get my coffee and breakfast at the same place. You know, because otherwise it’s like, I get my coffee, and then when I stop at a deli I’m balancing my coffee in one hand, reaching through the crowd of fellow commuters for a Luna bar, all the while my handbag is swinging around wildly hitting everyone, and I’m trying to get out my wallet and whoops, that’s my birth control!, and then my coffee spills all over everything and I feel compelled to buy half a pound of cole slaw or something because I feel so bad for this deli that I am there.

Nobody's perfect, but clearly oatmeal can be!

Anyway back to the point: coffee AND breakfast in the same place is optimal. And that place means Starbucks, because getting my coffee there is just a sine qua non (I was looking online for synonyms for the word “necessity” and found that gem. Apparently it means “indispensable condition.” So sophisticated!) Fortunately, Starbucks seems to understand that it could make a lot more money from poor addicted souls like me and has come up with Perfect Oatmeal. In fact, Starbucks really must have my number because they called it “perfect,” and I am lured to perfection just as little fish are lured to this big scary one called the anglerfish that attracts its prey with this deceptive light hanging in front of its mouth. I don’t know why I know that, I really liked this one marine life book when I was little.

An anglerfish. You may recognize this one from his role in Finding Nemo.

Starbucks Perfect Oatmeal really deserves its title, with 140 calories and the option of adding either brown sugar, dried fruit, or a nut medley for another 50-100 calories. And you should add one! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and the more satisfied you are, the more you will be able to actually maybe concentrate on your work and not waste the whole morning wondering whether or not Justin and Jessica are actually, really, TRULY engaged.